A day to forget

So, still doing this whole 'lonely' vs. 'lonesome' thing..... not a great day teaching, but not terrible. Then my volleyball team decides to nail their feet to the floor and they lose in 2 games, the last one's score being 25-6. ouch. the other 8th grade team lost in 3 games, the third game was 27-25 but they lost after being ahead 24-10. What's that about. Plus, it was away (a little over an hour) and one of the 7th grade coaches decided we needed to stop at a fast food place to eat (25 thirteen year old girls, and NOT 'to go'). so i'm home an hour later than i had expected, my daughter staying at someone's house she's never been at (doing us a HUGE favor). pissed isn't even close to the word of the day...... i actually cried some on the bus ride home..... i hate nights like this.

hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. hey, we're starting the Declaration of Independence tomorrow.... I wonder how many of them (8th grade!) will realize that there's a connection to the 4th of July....... sad huh?

Alright - going to finish my glass of wine, and head in to bed. This day needs to end.

More than a year??????

I've been feeling lonely. Actually, when I really started thinking about it, there is a big difference between lonliness and feeling alone. I have been feeling alone, not so much lonely. Lonely, to me, means that you don't have anyone - you spend most of your time by yourself, and do not wish to. I have friends, lots of people who know me (on account of my profession), family. But nothing seems to shake the feeling I have had lately of just being utterly and completely alone in the world. It makes it difficult to look at anything in a positive light. It makes it hard to want to keep on breathing sometimes.....

*sigh* I guess I should go to bed. Gotta start all over tomorrow.

A whole month????

I can't believe it's been a whole month since my last entry... but that is just how buys I have been. And I don't really have the energy to make a full blown blog at this point - I just wanted to post and let any of you who might stop by here ( and I doubt if there really are any of you) that I'm still here. My volleyball team is 3-1 right now (pretty cool - although that one loss should have been a win if the other team had actually decided they were going to try to set up the ball and hit it, rather than just bumping it over the net.... arg). Anyway, my days are taken up with volleyball practice, teaching, volleyball practice, grading, and planning. I hardly sleep. But it's the way life is for now - it is good to be busy again. And I LOVE most of my kids in class - there's always one or two you just want to hog tie to the bumper of your car and drag around the parking lot for a couple of hours - but they are a trip, and they amaze me. I guess that's what keeps me coming back... and what might just drive me over the edge of insanity in time.

We also have been in the process of purchasing a house - a most beautiful, perfect and wonderous place with ALL of the prerequisites that we have talked about wanting in a house here - including the palm trees and in ground pool. I cannot wait to get out of the wretched hell-hole of an apartment! One more week..... wish us luck, and I hope to return sometime soon. At least when volleyball season is over, I'll have a little more time for this... even though I'll miss the season.

Summer's Ending

Everyone says how great it must be to be a teacher and get your summers off.... and yea, I have to admit, having 3 months off was pretty darn nice! However, next year, I probably need to start doing something 'continuing education'-wise so that I can retain my license....... but you don't want to hear about that.....

I did enjoy my time off - it was the first time since I was 15 that I didn't have work, or classes to contend with (we're talking 27 years - you do the math!) I was able to read some great books that I had never really had a chance to read, or was made to read and never really had a chance to enjoy. I was able to spend time with my daughter, which I really haven't done much in the last 4-5 years due to working full time and going to school to get my teaching certificate. I just wish we had a little more money so that I could have taken her to a few places for overnight trips and such - places like Schlitterbahn, The Alamo, Fiesta Texas, or Seaworld in San Antonio - next summer I guess..... I was able to go home to Michigan to visit friends and family with my husband and daughter. I was able to just lay down on the couch and take a nap if I was tired - what an incredible luxury! My husband told me that he didn't want me to take a part time job or anything else for the summer - to just take the time off and enjoy it. I did, but I must admit - not having a job to go to made me feel.... disassociated, without purpose, no identity except for 'so-and-so's wife/mom'.

it made me appreciate Betty Friedan's "Feminine Mystique" that much more.

So, last Monday - I had to go back for three days of professional development - as if the morons in administration could ever think of anything that would develop me professionally (I do need professional development, but they stink at providing it)- and a couple days of working in my room. It was good to get out of the house and see some friends - get back into the swing. This Monday - the kids come back - and I won't be able to sleep on Sunday night. Kids don't realize that teachers are just as nervous/excited as they are on the first day. I guess the tough thing about this year has been trying to switch gears without ruining my transmission, so to speak. I go from teaching/coaching track in the spring - being gone from 6 am until 6 pm most days - track meets until 10 pm once a week, trying to plan my lessons, perfect them at home, grading papers (again at home).... Saturday was the one day that I always kept for ME - to do what I want to do, and let work be. Otherwise it would be all-consuming and I might as well be divorced! But going from that to...... nothing. just nothing...

i was a little depressed for the first two weeks of vacation. I missed my kids (I cried on the last day of school when they left). I had nothing to do but sit and think about them, clean my house, do laundry, read, watch TV.... It was a tough adjustment.

Well, now I have gotten comfortable with having free time - giving myself permission to take that nap, read that book, look at the sky and daydream....... and not feel guilty. Monday that all changes - teaching and coaching (this time Volleyball - which I love) - having no time for anything (except for my Saturdays).... it's going to take me a couple of weeks. And if I said I wasn't a little sad to see the summer go, I'd be lying.

Time to pay the bills -

Musings on a 9 year old's birthday

Here I sit, an hour away from the total chaos that will by my daughter's slumber/birthday party and I'm thinking of games for them to play. Why is it that every single one of them has to do with blindfolding the competitor? I've done the whole pinata thing (sans blindfold) and do not wish to repeat the experience - especially given that I live in an apartment and there are no damn trees in our yard to use for such an experience. Of course, then we would have to deal with the fire ants joining the party at some time.... anyway....

The other games that I have come up with are "pin the tail on the donkey" (which, yes, I did purchase for a dollar at the proverbial dollar store), comes with a blindfold. Then I came up with cotton balls in one bowl, and empty bowl next to it, and then the competitor is blindfolded and expected to use one hand and a spoon to scoop as many cotton balls into the empty bowl as possible within a minute (or however much time you want to take up on the activity). How about rice in a bowl with safety pins? Blindfold the competitor and give them a certain amount of time to extract as many safety pins from the bowl of rice as possible? Again, it's the whole blindfold thing? Are birthday parties no fun unless there are blindfolds involved? I've never even blindfolded myself (or my husband, or anyone else for that matter) during sex. So why the fixation on them now?

I never thought I'd feel this way - but thank the Great Being (if there is one) for Disney. After our trip to Disney in Florida this summer, I've come to hate the entity with more fierceness than ever. On a tangent - my two overpowering single memories of Disney are from when I was five years old - I was scared to death in the haunted house ride. And from when I was about 14 and bored out of my mind at Epcot (except for the cute boys). I don't think those are quite the memories that ol' Walt was going for with these theme parks. Observing other kids of those ages, I imagine they will have similar memories of their experiences. Disney is a gigantic way for a corporation to extract obscene amounts of money out of parents for making memories on their own behalf - not the kids. The best memory I took away from this summer - my daughter's face when she got to go to Cinderella's castle and have lunch with the princesses. My husband and I were not in attendance for the actual lunch part (grandparents did it) - but since it was all on my parent's dime, that was just fine by me. So far, Disney has not extracted more than $50 in souveniers from me! I WIN!

Anyway - thank goodness for the evil empire of Disney, for "High School Musical 2" debuts tonight!!! Hopefully we won't make it past "pin the tail on the donkey" and the girls will be engrossed in the shallow and rediculous world of Sharpey (isn't that a dog breed? Am I the only one who has thought to ask? see below for a picture comparison), Gabriella and Troy.

Enough for now - I need a drink so that I can get ready for this party!

Sharpay vs. Sharpei - you decide

The storm that never was-for us anyway

So, we were bracing for Erin. Being new to the area, and never having experienced a tropical storm of any kind, I believe we overreacted a bit. But it was a good 'dry run' to make a bad pun.

We decided to finally break down and buy the 5 day coolers (or 'ice chests' as they are referred to here in Texas) since we figured they would be helpful if the power went out. We also stocked up on water, batteries, a hand operated can opener, coleman fuel, and of course, beer - what kind of hurricane party would it be with out, right? Anyway, we made sure the lantern worked, and the Coleman camp stove - both worked fine. I think my husband exhibited one of his finest 'man moments' last night with a spectacular show of his loss of reasoning by lighting the camp stove in the apartment. I wanted to smack him. Nothing came of it, thank goodness, but still....

We live just north of Corpus Christi - about 8 miles. Erin decided to go north of us, and consequently, we hardly got any rain, and no wind at all. It was kind of exciting to see the weather channel third string guy hanging out on the beach in Port Aransas and Corpus Christi though. If nothing else it will help build up the tourist industry and bring some $$ and jobs into the area. Although, I would hate to see development happen as a result. That's the one thing I really like about the Gulf Coast in Texas - it's 'Florida-ish' with the beaches and warm gulf waters, but without a gazillion resorts right on the beach, mucking up your view, privacy, and desecrating the natural beauty of the area. (Can you tell I read a lot of Carl Hiaasen and Pat Conroy?)

Anyway - Erin was a bust for us. But we did get to do a 'dry run' for Dean or any others that may come through before the end of hurricane season.

I don't want you thinking that I'm complaining about hurricane season or weather here - because it sure beats the hell out of Michigan. You get all of about 9 weeks of summer in Michigan and 43 weeks of crap. And the rain here - well - at least it doesn't need to be shoveled. And it's easier to drive in than snow/ice. It's probably the main reason we moved here a year ago. We actually decided on this area based on an online survey I took to determine the best cities for us to live in. It's called http://www.findyourspot.com. You take a 10-15 minute survey about what is important to you about where you want to live, and it will tell you the top 20 cities in the US which fit your criteria - it's FREE, so have fun with it if you want. I'll try to put a link in the sidebar too.

Dave- I didn't have the patience to figure out how to make that link look like regular text - what's your secret??

This post has rambled on long enough I suppose.... I'll be back when I have something else on which to comment. -L

My Classroom!

Well, I'm getting ready to go back to work - professional development next week (as if I needed to be developed professionally by an incompetent administration - oops did I think that out loud?) Anyway, I'm excited to go back - ready. This will be my second year of teaching, although I'm 37 and the kids think I've been doing it forever. It's been nice to move from Michigan to Texas and have a 'clean slate' as it were. "I've been in education for 7 years" But I don't add that 6 of them were as a secretary at a high school.... what they don't know won't hurt them. At 31 I decided to go back to school and get my teaching certificate - ended up with that plus 3 majors (public administration - yes they DO have a degree in 'bullshit'; geography and political science). So I now teach 8th grade US History- Colonization to 1877. I LOVE when we do the American Revolution and the Constitution - my absolute favorite subject to teach - the kids think I'm nuts, of course - but they seem to like the fact that I am a little nuts.





Anyway, the reason for my post, after all that background: I have always wanted to have a HUGE American flag in my room. After looking all over online to purchase, I realized that it was probably not something I would come across and think "Man! I got a DEAL!" They are pricey. I looked at a 6X8 footer that they wanted something like $50-$75 for - I'm just not willing to spend that kind of $$. My husband suggested I call one of the local banks (American Bank to be specific) because while he was out doing his job, he noticed several flags that were being retired from the bank and were going to the Boy Scouts to be disposed. I called - and they totally came through for me - they donated an 8X12 to me to use in my room.... now if i can figure out how to stick pictures into a post, I have a picture of my daughter standing in front of it...

Cool - I think it worked - Anyway, I just think it's too cool - and I can't say enough positive things about American Bank and their generosity. Now if only I can find more effective ways to get my kids fired up about history - ever tried to talk about federalism with a group of 13 year olds?? Try it and see if you can keep your sanity..... That's all for now.